Had a CRAZY experience when running this morning. I started off focusing on my breath like a regular meditation, but then the words Mother Ayahuasca kept harping into me during third ceremony found their way into me.
LISTEN. RESPECT. FOCUS.
I realize now that this is a mantra! I’ve been saying it to myself, but never REPEATEDLY over the course of like… today I had to run 5 miles so I was out there for nearly an hour. Focusing on these words a strange thing started to happen… My eyes were being forced shut, similar to 3rd ceremony, and I found myself running with my eyes closed in a straight line for the first time ever. I love running with my eyes closed but I could never trust myself to do it for extended periods of time, but this mantra put me in a weird, trance like state where I was able to run with my eyes closed and messages started pouring in. The above is a paraphrased version of what I was told, but essentially what happened is that… I felt similar to I did in ceremony, being one with the universe, and so light like I was completely going with the flow of this “lifestream” the voice called it.
I was so amazed and grateful that I was able to enter this type of state that toward the end of my run I said “Thank you Mother Ayahuasca” and the response I got back was “I’m not Mother Ayahuasca… but she helped open you to me. I am you, you are me. I am your heart, your soul… I’ve been trying to get you to listen for so long… I’m so glad you finally did.”
I was shocked. I started bawling. What even is life anymore.
This is what the moon looked like last night… never seen it like this before. It’s a preshow for the main event this evening 😀 So excited for the Super Blood Wolf Moon eclipse! I can already feel it… some strange magic is afoot.
(We looked it up and it’s actually called a 22 degree lunar halo. Never seen this in my life… I guess it’s pretty rare.)
Another bonus — I just finished my daily Yoga With Adriene and the theme of today was LISTEN!!! How weird is that!!! SYNCHRONICITYYYY!!! 😀 And it’s also… ALL ABOUT LISTENING TO YOUR BREATH! YOUR SOUL! YOUR SPIRIT! She calls it your “heartsong” 🙂 Anyone can connect with their soul in this way, as long as you take the time to listen. Gosh I love Adriene so much… totally affirmed what happened this morning. The universe is a strange and beautiful place. I’m glad I can finally see it for what it is…
After not sleeping for about 48 hours, Amy and I arrived in Iquitos, Peru. We were on different flights and met up during a 5 hour layover in Lima, but spent all that time talking and eating awesome free food at the VIP lounge Amy had access to because of her credit card.
Dreamglade requires you to stay in Iquitos the first night you fly in to get some rest because you basically go straight into your first ceremony as soon as you get to the center. However, the way we planned our trip was that we would get into town at 7am, check into our room at La Casa Chacruna, then hook up with Victor, a jungle guide from Kambo Jungle Expeditions to go on an adventure until about 5pm. I always try to make the most out of my trips and schedule a shit ton to do, so I wanted to do a bit of sightseeing before spending the entire time at the retreat.
As soon as we got off the plane in Iquitos, we were swarmed with people trying to sell us things. Much to our surprise, most foreigners in town are specifically there FOR ayahuasca, and the locals know how to take advantage of polite Westerners. It totally happened to us, with a guy immediately getting into our taxi with us on the way to town, trying to sell us stuff — ayahuasca, a jungle expedition at HIS retreat, things FOR ayahuasca ceremonies — he even tried to get us to come to his house that he claimed looked like “Jurassic Park”, and when we didn’t go with him he charged us double the normal taxi fare. SO PLEASE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GETTING INTO. Don’t tell ANYONE where you’re staying, where you’re going, and what you’re doing. BE SAFE.
Basically right after we made it into La Casa Chacruna, Victor showed up and took us by boat to an awesome butterfly farm and wildlife reserve called Pilpintuwasi, a really great floating restaurant where we did rapéfor the first time, and monkey island where we got to play with a ton of cute monkeys 🙂 Hanging out with Victor was awesome because there’s not much to do in Iquitos without a boat and hard to communicate if you don’t know Spanish. After getting taken advantage of at the airport we were a little shaken up, so we felt a lot safer to be with someone who knew their way around. We learned so much from him and he was so kind and accommodating, even offering us Kambo which we spontaneously agreed to do.
We honestly weren’t expecting to do rapé OR kambo, but in my opinion this was the best possible way to kick off the journey. We were there to heal with sacred jungle medicine and Amy said she would do whatever I was down to do… and I was desperate enough to do anything.
Rapé is basically jungle snuff that you inhale through your nose. It’s a combination of various medicinal herbs (Victor had us take 2 different kinds, one made out of 15 herbs, another 25) that helps focus and sharpen the mind, clear energetic fields for ayahuasca ceremonies, detox mind and body, clear sinuses of mucus and bacteria to combat sickness, and help with mental illness like depression and anxiety. It made us feel GREAT!!! 😀 Really awesome intro for the journey we were about to embark on.
Similar to the rapé, kambo is supposed to help clear your body of panema, the negativity that builds up over time. In that same vein, it’s a great remedy for mental disorders like depression and anxiety, making you feel more joyous about life. It’s also just overall great for the body and the immune system. He said he never got sick again after doing kambo regularly. Victor even explained to us how it even cured his grandma of cancer doing it twice a week for 6 months. He had told us also that he had done ayahuasca but he felt kambo was more in line with his own healing… how horrible his life was and when he did kambo for the first time, he had a vision of being surrounded by people laughing at him, then a huge frog appearing and embracing him. From then on he started to administer kambo and has seen miracles.
To me, kambo was actually more painful than ayahuasca OR sananga, and I think it’s simply because it’s mostly physical. I also had eaten so much that morning and also at lunch, so when my mouth started swelling, it was really gross to feel a ton of pieces of food come up and I couldn’t tell the difference between my skin and the food. The sensations are really hard to describe, and Victor explained that everyone reacts differently. I for example, was clawing at my legs a lot because I was so uncomfortable, to the point where Amy had to massage my hand and it was so helpful just to know she was there. It was SUPERRRR intense. She on the other hand mostly sweated on her entire body, and seemed to take it way better than me.
The pain only lasts about 20-25 min until it starts to subside, and you can feel it traveling up your body, from your toes to your face. I remember when it got to my torso area and went up my neck, I thought I was gonna die. I kept having to tell myself to breathe, and remembered that I had to live for Eddy and Han. It was also really helpful to have Amy and Victor there, because I knew that it would all pass and they were making sure I’d be safe. Victor had even said beforehand that sometimes people faint, but he knew how to bring them back (which was kinda a scary thought and I prayed beyond anything that I didn’t faint because he made it sound almost like your heart could stop? Haha)
After the kambo, I felt FANTASTIC. Although our faces were super swollen and made us seriously “one with the frog,” I at least felt like I had tons of energy and was positive to the point of taking on the world! This sensation lasted throughout the next day, and probably even into our stay at Dreamglade.
Regardless of how alive I felt, we still passed out pretty quick after the kambo for like… 13 hours, which ended up being the best sleep I got the whole trip so I’m really grateful for it. The next morning we felt refreshed and ready to head to Dreamglade! 🙂
Wow. I can’t even believe how much I’ve been learning lately. I also am so ashamed that I dared to think the ayahuasca was messing me up due to my bipolar diagnosis the other day. Really… it’s helped me in ways I could’ve never even imagined, and I shudder to think about the trajectory of my life if I never made the choice to go to Peru. No joke… I would’ve most likely killed myself — A very valid fear which is totally GONE now. HAPPY TO SAY! 😀 Hehe!
“The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad.” -Alan Watts
Synchronicity really is the key word here. Another thing that Drew shared with me recently was this documentary about channeling that he had mentioned at Dreamglade, but we never got to watch. When I had my “episode” the other night, I wanted so badly to ask for help, but instead something told me to ask for the documentary instead, as well as the Tibetan mantras he would do during breathing and ceremony.
And holy shit was I rewarded for trusting myself.
This documentary changed my life. I actually want to do an entire post about this but again, GOTTA GO TO WORK. So here’s a link to it instead!
It’s amazing though how, everything I wanted to gush to Drew about, I got answers to from this documentary. Essentially one of the biggest messages that I came out of it with is that, the more we’re able to open ourselves up to messages from the higher powers, the more we’re able to harness the power of the soul and our lives begin to change. One of the women in it talks about how when we ask for something from the universe, it’s like putting in an “order” that we can’t expect to be fulfilled right away, or in any way we expect. We begin to think we don’t deserve it and get discouraged, but then that changes our frequency to where we can no longer accept, or even “see” the answer. If we open ourselves to abundance, we are rewarded with acts of synchronicity, that lead us in the right direction. Remind us that we’re on the right path, and give us everything we’ve ever dreamed of.
Yesterday I watched this documentary 3 times in a row, and it boosted my mood so much… and now that I think about it I’m assuming that also means it boosted my “frequency.”
Then THIS MORNING when I went to do Yoga with Adriene, I was so pleased to see that the theme of today was “DIVINE,” and it was about CHANNELING THE DIVINE YOU.
Adriene is seriously the best — I love how she turns these concepts that could so easily turn off a lot of people into something practical. Totally inspiring to what I want to eventually turn this blog into 🙂 Because really… all “channeling” is, is learning how to trust yourself. As Adriene says “focus on BEING not DOING,” or “trust your gut” or “process not product.” And in Women Who Run With Wolves it’s described as “ego apertures” or the “crack between worlds.”
THIS POST IS GETTING TOO LONG AND I STILL NEED TO SHOWER AND MAKE LUNCH GAH!
OK REAL QUICK!!!
My original plan was to go running after yoga, but as I was going to put my socks on, my journal on my super messy desk called to me and made me do some automatic writing. I’ve been meaning to draw/write/paint/create SO BAD since coming back from Peru, but really… my messy room turns me off and has become an excuse. And that’s basically what my soul was screaming at me… TO STOP USING IT AS AN EXCUSE AND CREATE ANYWAY!!!
It made me set a 20 min timer on my phone so that I could go run at 6am, but I stopped writing before the 20 min was up because after the journal entry, I was compelled to do an automatic post it drawing in the “scribble style” Christie was explaining to me the other day. What came out was super interesting and unexpected, and although I don’t know what it means, it was at the request of my soul so… whatever. I was able to accept it.
Then, as I went to finally go running, Eddy knocked on my door. It was so early and I was surprised he was up already, so I asked “Did you have a nightmare?” and he said “Yes…” and he told me about his super horrific nightmare that I won’t go into but basically he accidentally set fire to a building and it ended up becoming like 9/11 and he killed a ton of people, including children, and was struggling to apologize and it was the worst ever.
Since I’ve come back to Peru, Eddy has been going through a CRAZY transformation which I ALSO have been wanting to write about but holy crap there’s just TOO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT. So much potential for growth EVERY SINGLE DAY and it’s been happening… INSANE. But yeah essentially, he’s really been taking in the information I’ve returned with and it’s broken open this door to spirituality within him, and I think it’s made him ALSO really sensitive to signs and synchronicity.
Last week he was really shaken up because our dog Han just randomly ran into the street in a sort of…freak accident sorta way. One of the other puppies in the dog group we go to ended up rushing out after him, and they both almost died. However, he was the only one who saw how close a car came to hitting the other dog, and he hated to think about what would’ve happened if Han’s actions had caused that death, and how that other dog’s owner would’ve felt for him not keeping Han on his leash.
He took this as a sign that he needs to finally grow up and start taking more seriously… being more responsible… there’s SO MUCH here because there was so much crazy character development that happened that day I could write a full post on that too… but yeah. That was just last week and he was so driven for like a day or two, but again fell into bad habits.
So last night, he ended up playing a mobile game into the night, which is his ULTIMATE bad habit (seriously, he had to get a safe for me to put his videogames in so he could do some work), and he says that this nightmare he had was ANOTHER reminder to him, in a similar vein to Han almost dying, that he really needs to get his shit together.
Again… SYNCHRONICITY. I was blown away by how everything worked out so perfectly this morning. If I had gone to run right after yoga, I wouldn’t have been able to be there for Eddy to talk to him about his nightmare. And not only that, I realized that we’ve been going through such similar stuff… wanting to change our bad habits but not being able to. He was scolded in the form of a nightmare, and I was scolded in the form of my soul literally yelling at me in my journal and forcing me to take the time to do the automatic drawing that I’ve been putting off for a couple days. (Seriously Elora, Christie took the time to teach you that scribble game shit and blow your mind and you still haven’t done it.)
I’m constantly getting messages to SLOW DOWN, from Mother Ayahuasca, Eddy, Christie, Adriene… but today it really started to sink in. If I hadn’t slowed down this morning… I wouldn’t have given my soul the time to speak… and I’m really starting to see how much of a tragedy that is.
I ended up going on my run way later than intended, but was rewarded with SUCH a beautiful sunrise that sparked the poem above! If I went running at 5:30am like I was GOING to, I would’ve missed it! And I feel like that sunrise also taught me so much… Shining through the darkness of the other night.
SO MUCH SYNCHRONICITY!!! Such a magical morning… thank you so much, Universe 🙂 I’ll be listening more from now on.
I’m actually really shocked that I just wrote a poem because I don’t write poems (for fear of being horrible at it). However, I’ve been working on learning how to open myself up more to receive and find that running at sunrise with Mother Ayahuasca has been… enlightening to say the least.
She keeps surprising me!
This reminds me of a line from The Last Unicorn that I read last night, when the Unicorn transforms into Lady Amalthea and Prince Lir is overcome by her beauty.
“The cool brightness of the Lady Amalthea grew more slowly than had Mabruk’s wind, but the prince understood quite well that it was far more dangerous. He wanted to write poems by that light, and he had never wanted to write poems before.“
I suppose this is what it feels like to be kissed by magic. To recognize that some things are too beautiful and best described through some type of artistic expression. We as humans all have the ability to tap into this, and each new day can be an exciting opportunity for magic to manifest!All we have to do is listen and let it flow through us without fear.